Denial - a defense mechanism that denies painful thoughts

At around 7:17 p.m. on Saturday, October 15th, I realized that I am in denial about my enjoyment of competition. I like to portray that though I enjoy sports and competition, I don't let it affect my day or my outlook on life. The fact of the matter is, when I get rooting for my team, it affects me. And that was evident Saturday evening as Penn State battled Michigan. Somewhere around 7:17 p.m. as Chad Henne found Mario Manningham in the end zone for the game winning touchdown, I had to leave the TV, my heart sank and my blood boiled. I didn't realize how much it would impact me.

The pessimist that I am, I didn't expect PSU to come away with the victory and with Michigan leading, my lack of faith appeared justified. But then the blue & white game me hope and drawing me in with them only to have it dashed in the end. Maybe it was because I had a Penn State t-shirt and hat on all day? Maybe it was because I was following the game (I didn't see or hear any of the games against Minnesota and Ohio State)?

Yeah, I've been in denial, I take it seriously.
I've got to stop kidding myself.